In the last blog Above all else, I shared about the importance of guarding our hearts. If there is one thing that we should all be vigilant about when it comes to guarding our hearts, it would be offence.

While offence is a natural response to any injustice (whether perceived or actual), the bible has a different perspective. The word offence in the Greek is skandalízō which means ‘to entrap; trip up, stumble’ or ’cause to sin’ (Blue Letter Bible, 2025).

Offence was one of the reasons why the religious teachers and some Jews couldn’t believe Jesus or receive his testimony, this led to the sin of unbelief.

It is still the same stumbling block for unbelievers today, and it is also one of the many tools the enemy uses to ensnare Christians.

Offence is an obstacle.

The Pharisees did not believe that Jesus was the son of God and didn’t agree with his statements of having equality with God (John 5:18). Their offence became a stumbling block (1 Peter 2:7-8) and by rejecting Christ, it meant they rejected God’s will. Despite this, it brought salvation to the Gentiles.

There were multiple times in the bible when Jesus didn’t answer their questions because he knew what was in their hearts and the motives behind their questions. They weren’t seeking truth but seeking his downfall.

Proverbs 18:19
A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarrelling is like the bars of a castle.

Someone who is offended is harder to lead than a strong city. A person has a better chance of getting a strong city to surrender in a battle than someone who is offended. Keep in mind that a strong city would be fortified with walls and weapons and yet, that seems to be an easier task than winning a brother or sister who is offended.

If we can recall a time when we’ve been offended or witnessed someone who was offended, there is an unwillingness to listen to anybody who does not think the same way or tell us what we want to hear. “If they’re not for me/us, then they’re against me/us.”

Without realizing it, a wall has been created between you and the other person. The very person who is our neighbour becomes our enemy, and we lose sight of the actual enemy.

There’s a reason why there is a charge given to us to guard our hearts, above all else (Proverbs 4:23). When we don’t guard our hearts well, offence can easily take up residence in our hearts. After a long time, our hearts become affected, ‘from it flows the issues of life’.

When offence isn’t dealt with, it will influence the decisions we make. It’s one of the reasons why some people disconnect from their community (isolate), reject the truth, find difficulty receiving correction or misinterpret words/actions from those who are sincere. It can also be the reason why some Christians leave the local church.

Being a Christian doesn’t mean perfection; we’re still on this journey called sanctification. There will be times when we get it wrong and hurt the people we love and vice versa. It’s not a matter of if we get offended, it’s only a matter of when. So how do we deal with offence biblically and practically?  

1. Prayer.

In the same way, a heart surgeon can’t do any procedure unless they gain consent, it’s the same with God. He can’t help us unless we recognize that we need His help. Prayer invites God into our lives.

Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

This verse has been mentioned a few times in previous blogs for these reasons. First, it shows us that God knows our hearts and second, we don’t always know what’s in our hearts. Offence can open the door for other sins to enter our hearts such as pride, jealousy, malice, hatred, unforgiveness etc. We may call them “heart issues” but it is still a sin issue.

Prayer softens our hearts so that we can receive God’s help. Asking God in prayer to search your heart requires humility. An unwillingness to pray is often rooted in pride, and this makes a person unyielding.

Pride comes before a fall (Proverbs 16:18) because when we’re prideful, we reject God’s help and grace. It is one of the tools that the enemy uses to bring us down.

James 4:6
But He gives more grace. Therefore, He says:
“God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”

If we tell God that we can handle it ourselves, that we can do a better job of dealing with our pain – we communicate to God that we don’t need Him or His help. So then, why would He help us?

Sometimes our response to God’s prodding is “I’ve got this Lord.” or “You don’t understand what they did. Nobody understands” or my favourite “It is what it is“.

“It is what it is” is merely a band-aid fix. It doesn’t actually acknowledge what happened. For some of us, we don’t want God to touch the sensitive areas of our hearts because it’s painful or we don’t think it’s important enough to God.

God isn’t just a God who heals our physical bodies but also, emotional wounds. Deep wounds heal from the bottom up, not at a surface level. The question is, are you willing to allow Him in?

2. Communication.

Sometimes, prayer might not be enough, and God may lead you to confront the person. Ideally, this should be done after you’ve processed your emotions with the Lord. If the reverse happens, we can act on our impulses, and in most cases, regret.

Matthew 18:15-17 gives us a guide on what to do when someone has sinned against us. It encourages us to talk with the person first and in private. Even though this passage addresses sin in the church, we can still apply the same principles when it comes to offence.

Matthew 18:15
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 

As someone who used to avoid confrontation (that’s another blog for another day), God has had to help me with initiating hard conversations when it’s time. The truth is, it’s going to be uncomfortable, but it’s better than ignoring the offence and lashing out unexpectedly.

Communication is one of the ways we can deal with offence because it brings clarity. It provides an opportunity for repentance, reconciliation, and, if appropriate, restoration. When we discuss the issue with everyone else but the person who offended us, we deprive that person of the ability to explain, make amends, or seek forgiveness.

It’s very easy to assume that the other person is aware of what they’ve done wrong when it could be unintentional. The person may either be oblivious or have a hardened heart, which can’t be determined until a conversation has occurred.

Depending on the situation, mature Christians may be involved but please choose wisely. It should be someone who can provide godly counsel, is objective, stands on the word of God (not their opinions) and, if needed, bring correction with love.

It’s in having these conversations that we can bring the issue to the light where it can be exposed, rather than hide it in our hearts where it festers and grows. Offence undealt leads to unforgiveness. We may think nobody else can see it but God does. He cares about your heart.

3. Lay it on the altar.

In situations that are considered grievous, you might not be satisfied with the response even though you’ve had the conversation or several conversations. This can happen when expectations aren’t met, there is no resolution, don’t feel heard, or we’re left with even more questions. Other times, it can be because we’ve made up our minds that there is no possible explanation that can justify what happened.

If we’re not careful, offence can subtly become an idol. We give the situation most of our time and attention than God. We meditate on what was said, done or wasn’t done more than we meditate on God’s word. Memories will pop up, but it’s what we do next, that makes all the difference.

When we feel disappointed, betrayed or misunderstood – lay it on the altar. The altar is a place of sacrifice, it’s where something has to die. Sometimes we say we’ve “surrendered” but we still pick it back up again. We say we’ve laid at the foot of the cross, but somehow, it’s ended up in the backseat of our car and has “followed” us home.

The struggle to surrender is a battle we all face and it often reveals an area where we don’t trust God. In this case, maybe we don’t trust God with our pain. What if He doesn’t comfort us the way we want Him to? What if He asks us to walk in a way that is contrary to our flesh? What if God asks me to forgive them?

Forgiveness doesn’t free them from being accountable for their actions. Forgiveness frees us from bondage. Trust that God is a righteous judge who will vindicate us, especially when we’re misunderstood.

A final word

Some situations are not black and white (grey areas do exist), and we might need brothers and sisters to walk alongside us. I pray we understand that the enemy can use offence to trip us up as we walk this straight and narrow path. It really does take the grace and power of God not to remain entangled while we run this race.

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

The writer of Hebrews encourages us to throw off everything. In some translations, it says, ‘every weight that hinders us‘. What we don’t surrender to God will become weight that slows us down. Offence can be both a stumbling block and a snare. And we can’t run this race if our eyes aren’t fixed on Jesus but on the person or people that hurt us.

God bless,
Susan.

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